Coming to Terms
by BloodRaevynn
Summary: After the end of the series, Riku tries to understand his feelings for Kogenta why he was able to let the Shikigami go.


Disclaimer: To my profound despair, Onmyou Taisenki and its characters aren't mine; I just play with them when Bandai isn't looking.

* * *

**Coming to Terms**

by BloodRaevynn

Chin propped on one hand, Riku looked across the classroom to where an overly enthusiastic Ryuuji was talking to their teacher about the boat club; the girls were nearby, smiling and occasionally laughing at his antics. The other classmates were milling about the room, some still finishing their lunches, most socializing, all of them cheerful.

"Everyone's smiles…huh?" Riku said to himself. His hand drifted to his hip, where his Drive used to rest in its holster, but the familiar weight was gone; the Drive had been sleeping in the shrine for the last two months. He sighed and lay his head down on his desk. Smiling had been getting harder and harder once the novelty of peace wore off.

He wondered if he'd been right to end his contract with Kogenta. It was peaceful now, yes; the youkai were mostly gone, Ten-Ryuu and Chi-Ryuu technically didn't exist anymore and weren't at odds in any case. He wasn't the only one to end his contract; Yuuma, Souma, Yakumo, and Nazuna had too. Teru hadn't though; he was still wandering around somewhere, exterminating the occasional youkai, but mostly just getting himself in trouble over food.

Riku had thought, more than once, about trying to contract with the tiger Shikigami again; it was possible to choose the Shikigami you contracted with, if your will was strong enough, as Matsuomi's story had proven. But… What would be the point? What justification could he give for that. 'Hi, I missed you. There's no one to fight, but can't I contract with you again?' Kogenta would just get bored and restless. Well, maybe he was bored and restless anyway…what exactly did Shikigami _do_ in Naraku? Maybe they just slept until someone called on them, or maybe they all got together and told exaggerated stories of their own exploits; maybe they had tournaments, Riku could almost see that, Shikigami did tend to have a competitive nature.

Kogenta had said, "I love you."

Just like every other time that memory came out, Riku's thoughts all screeched to a halt.

"Love." Such an ambiguous word. Riku loved his grandfather, he loved his parents, though he had few memories of them, and he loved his friends too. But he also loved ice cream, and the way a cool breeze felt on a hot day; he loved certain musicians and certain movies and certain books. So what exactly Kogenta had meant by that, Riku couldn't know. And even though he knew that he loved Kogenta, Riku wasn't even sure which way he _himself_ meant it. Certianly he loved Kogenta as a friend, but what he felt was also very different from how he felt for Ryuuji, Rina, Souma, Nazuna, Matsuomi, or even Momo. He had asked himself more than once if it was possible that he was in love with the Shikigami.

He remembered when he'd lost Kogenta and his memories; that feeling of such profound loss that he couldn't even explain to himself, and the way his heart had filled when he saw Kogenta again, how he'd embraced the Byakko so tightly and never wanted to let go again…had been afraid to. Remembering that, he wondered how he could have let Kogenta go with a smile on his face, once everything was over.

"Riku! Oi, Riku!" Ryuuji was standing in front of Riku's desk with an annoyed expression. "Aren't you going to participate? We're talking about your future too!"

"You don't look well, Rikkun," Momo asked, worriedly. "Are you alright?"

"I miss Tora-san too," Rina sympathized. Riku silently cursed her airheaded perceptiveness.

"I just didn't sleep well," Riku replied, forcing a smile. "Don't worry."

The bell rang then, and they had to go back to their studies.

* * *

"You seem down lately," a familiar voice said. "You sick or something?" 

Riku's head snapped up and he looked around, confused to find himself sitting on the steps of the shrine. Hadn't he just been in his room doing homework? Then he realized that Kogenta was sitting beside him.

"Kogenta? What-?"

"You're dreaming, dummy," Kogenta said.

"Oh…" Riku said quietly.

"Ch'! That's what I'm talking about! 'The hell's wrong with you? I'm sick of watching you mope around! It's annoying!"

"Why did I let you go?"

"Haa?" Kogenta blinked at him, surprised.

"That time when I lost you, even though I didn't remember what I'd lost, it was unbearable; I had to find you again. So how could I end the contract so easily?"

"Riku, that time before, even though I was in Naraku and you'd lost your memories, our bond was still in place. Everything about that situation was unnatural and there was no choice but to correct it. This time, you could end the contract because the contract had ended; the time between when the terms of the contract were met and when the contract was dissolved was just a period to allow us to tie up loose ends and say goodbye."

"But…"

"But nothing. The contract is over; there's no point dwelling on it, or feeling guilty."

"Guilty?" And Riku realized that he did, in fact, feel guilty; he felt as if he'd cast Kogenta aside.

"Kogenta…does the bond we formed still mean anything? It was so strong, stronger than anything, but we're not partners anymore and we might never be partners again. I might never see you again. If so…what meaning does it have now?"

* * *

Riku sat on the wood floor of the shrine, looking at the Drive. Once again contemplating the possibility of making a new contract with Kogenta. 

'I just want you by my side, always. As long as you're here, I…' Riku sighed, then stood and walked out of the shrine, shutting the wooden doors behind him.

"You do miss him a lot, don't you?" Riku turned to see Momo standing in the clearing, holding a plastic bag in her hands. "Jiichan told me you'd be here. Do you come a lot?"

"Well, the shrine needs to be cleaned regularly, so…"

"Oh, right." Momo shifted uncomfortably then held up the bag a little. "They had a new flavor of ice candy at the convenience store; it caught my eye because it was really strange, and I thought maybe we could try it together. I thought maybe it'd cheer you up, even if it tastes really bad, or maybe if it _does_ taste really bad, because, like I said, it's a really weird flavor, but I thought it might be funny and you need cheering up, and that's what childhood friends are for so…"

"Momo," Riku said patiently, with a slightly put-upon smile on his face. "You're rambling again. What flavor is it?"

"Oh, that's right," Momo pulled two popsicles out of the bag. "Um…cucumber-chili."

"You're kidding, right?"

"I told you it was weird, didn't I?" She settled the handles of the bag in the crook of her elbow, and held one out to Riku. "Shall we test it?"

"You make it sound like a science experiment," Riku said, unwrapping his and regarding the pale green, red-flecked stick of frozen juice dubiously. "Well…why don't we taste it together?"

"Un," Momo acknowledged.

"Se--no!" Riku and Momo stuck their popsicles in their mouths simultaneously. There was silence in the clearing for a minute, and then: "Momo?"

"Mm-hm."

"This is really gross."

"Mm-hm."

"My mouth is burning."

"Mine too."

They both laughed.

"I got some juice too," Momo said. "Just in case."

A short time later, the two of them were seated on the steps of the shrine, drinking their cans of juice.

"I was a little relieved at first," Riku admitted. "Not having to train or fight youkai or other Toujinshi anymore. After the whole thing with Jin-Ryuu and Utsuho, I was tired… no, completely drained; I wanted nothing more than the normal, everyday life I'd had before I contracted with Kogenta; I think maybe that was why I let him go so easily.

"But now it's like I want nothing more than to have another earth-shattering disaster; even though that would mean that people would be hurt. It's pathetic, isn't it? To want people to suffer, just so that I can have an excuse for him to be with me again."

Momo looked down at her can of juice, feeling uneasy. She flicked the tab lightly with the tip of her finger.

"Why do you need an excuse?" She asked.

"Toujinshi contract with Shikigami so that the Shikigami can fight for them."

"Rikkun, you make it sound like they're just weapons, and I _know_ you don't believe that."

"It's not that, Momo-chan. That isn't what I meant. It's just…what would he _do _here? He said it himself, when I first met him: all he can do is fight."

"Hm…" Momo flicked the tab again. "But I wonder if he still thinks that way…"

"Eh?"

"Well…" another flick. "You can always ask him if he wants to be your Shikigami again, even though there won't be anything to fight. If he doesn't want that, he'd just say so, wouldn't he? I mean, he isn't at all tactful, right? But I can't see why anyone wouldn't want to be with Rikkun." She flicked the tab again, much harder than before, and the discordant metallic twang seemed like a cry for attention. Riku looked at Momo, taking in her hunched posture, her down-turned face, and the way she hid her eyes behind her bangs.

"Momo…"

"It's alright," she got up and started walking away.

"I didn't mean to lead you on."

Momo turned back to him, smiling because it was the only way to keep from crying.

"You didn't. I just chased you on my own." She looked down, biting her lip. "But I've only been chasing your shadow these days; you went somewhere I can't follow a long time ago." She left him sitting on the stairs of the shrine, with only a plastic bag holding two half-melted popsicles, the empty juice can in his hands, and the dormant drive hidden behind wooden doors for company.

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A/N: 

"Ore… docchi no omae mo suki da ze." (I… like/love either side of you)

– Kogenta, episode 45

While it is standard practice to translate "suki" as "like" in most situations, the way it's used is actually virtually identical to the way we use the word "love" – you can apply it to anything from your lover to your favorite color. Normally I don't care either way how it's translated, however for this story I wanted to translate "suki" as "love."

As for the title – to come to terms can mean accepting or resigning oneself to the circumstances, but it can also refer to settling the terms of a contract. Ooh, double meaning! Look at the double meaning! I rock!

Cucumber-chili popsicles do exist. They're weird. There is no profound reason for their presence in the story other than as a lead-in for Momo and Riku's conversation (though if you happened to find one because you were over-thinking things, please share it with me).

No, I'm not planning to write more chapters or a sequel. I thought it was going to be somewhat longer (just to the point of Riku forming another contract with Kogenta though), but in the end it stopped here and nothing I did could convince it otherwise. Really I don't think it needs more; everything I wanted to say has been said.

I may, however, rewrite some parts of this at some point; there were some things, especially in the beginning, that I felt weren't quite right, but no matter how much I poked at it I couldn't get it straightened out to my own satisfaction.

I think it sorta seems as if I like Momo and maybe dislike Rina a bit. This could not be further from the truth, I like Rina well enough (especially when she sneaks; she's cute when she sneaks) and I want to crush Momo's windpipe under my heel; every time Momo appeared I made strangling motions with my hands and yelled "just die already!" Just ask my sister; she'll tell you it's true. I can be fair in dealing with characters I don't like…just don't expect it of me that often; likely the next time I write an OT fic that Momo appears in she will meet a very messy, painful, and _detailed_ demise.


End file.
